The View From The Vicarage
In times of excruciating pain and grief following the death of one near and dear, I offer
to myself and others whatever comfort I can, often reflecting the perspective which
states either: “Grief comes as the price of Love”, or possibly, “Grief is love with no place
to go”. While we may find only small comfort in these and similar thoughts as we
struggle to make any kind of sense of the depth of pain and loss we feel, these offer the
possibility of beginning the process of healing and restoration.
The soul and gut-level awareness that we are loved, loveable, and beloved of God and
those closest to us provides that bedrock assurance we need to build good and healthy
lives in this and every age. In preparation for every baptism of a child, I remind parents,
godparents, and family members that, essentially, the promises (vows) they make to “be
responsible for seeing that the child you present is brought up in the Christian faith and
life”, and that “by your prayers and witness [to] help this child to grow into the full
stature of Christ” simply mean filling these three basic needs: You will do all in your
power (with God’s help) to make sure your lovely children mature with no doubt or
question in the depths of their being that they are loved, loveable, and beloved. Without
this fundamental awareness, no child will be able to grow or thrive in life at all well, too
often ending life in suicide.
Since the year 2012, here in America we have witnessed and responded to dozens upon
dozens of murderous rampages wreaking horrendous losses on our children, our young
people, our neighbors, friends, and the elders we cherish. And while grief may be the
price of love, what we endure through all of these horrors is the price of no love—of
absent or misguided parents and family and community who failed a child on the most
basic levels of life.
And as the last two young men, by inflicting their rage and dark despair on innocent
adults and children, have shown in their embrace of hatred and violence, the price of
that failure is catastrophic. So yes, in one sense, it is not the guns which are the biggest
part of the problem, but our refusal to intervene in the lives of our despairing and
desperate young adults: to make it impossible for them to purchase these weapons of
mass destruction (let alone find a twisted sense of pride and self-worth in using them),
and provide them with alternative experiences of life and love from the earliest possible
moment, that the black hole of death which so consumes them may be filled with the
Light of Holy Love.